Please note: this article deals with themes of depression and self-harm

For any elite tennis player, their Grand Slam debut is a special occasion. But when Chile’s Macarena Cabrillana makes her Australian Wheelchair Open debut this weekend, the moment will be extra special for a multitude of reasons.

It’s an occasion earned by not only battling past opponents on the court and injuries off the court, but by also overcoming the depression that threatened her life in early June 2008.

“I’m proud to be here. My family and my team are proud, too. To be in a Grand Slam is to be among the best. I have fought a lot to be here, a lot of sacrifice, a lot of effort, a big fight in and out of the court,” says the 28-year-old world No. 12, who will become the first Chilean wheelchair player to contest one of the four majors. “I must enjoy the experience and work to improve.”

Such were the depths of Cabrillana’s mental health battles 12 years ago that she tried to take her own life, damaging her L3 vertebra in a fall from the fifth floor of a building at the age of 16. However, by the beginning of 2009 she had started on her wheelchair tennis journey.

“From that bad experience I had a reflection: I’m here for a reason,” she adds. “I believe a lot in destiny and I believe I have a purpose in life. I think I’m moving in the right direction.

“Tennis chose me. After the incident, I did rehab in Teletón, a rehabilitation institute in Chile. There were some sports to choose from and I fell in love with tennis. Some of the best Chilean wheelchair tennis players trained there at that time – Robinson Méndez, Francisca Mardones, Maria Antonieta Ortiz. I was fascinated with the way they played and their lifestyle.”  

'From that bad experience I had a reflection: I’m here for a reason. I believe a lot in destiny and I believe I have a purpose in life. I think I’m moving in the right direction'

Wheelchair tennis has given Cabrillana a focus, goals to aim for and a healthier outlook on life. It’s also brought her friendships and the chance to represent her country.

“I think sport is key. It helps every person to be happier, physically and mentally,” she declares. “You’re instantly more positive. If it is tennis, great, but in team sports you can find other values, the friendship, the team spirit... I love tennis. You can win a match, but you must improve every day. My mind is constantly focused on how to improve things.”

Cabrillana’s Australian Open debut comes in the wake of significant successes in each of the last two seasons. In 2019 she was women’s singles silver medallist at the Parapan American Games in Lima, Peru. The gold medal went to Colombia’s Angelica Bernal, Cabrillana’s doubles partner in Australia, who made her own Grand Slam debut at the US Open last year.

The Chilean then reached new heights in 2020, beating a top-five ranked opponent - Jordanne Whiley - for the first time at the French Riviera Open, and then defeating Rio 2016 gold medallist Jiske Griffioen in the final to claim her first ITF 1 singles title.

It was a victory that earned Cabrillena a then-career-high ranking at No. 13, which soon improved to No. 12 a few weeks later and ultimately brought the reward of a spot at the Australian Open.

“In 2020 we found an opportunity to improve and we couldn’t stop,” she said. “I always want to improve and 2020 wasn’t an exception. Every year I reach a victory that is more important than the previous one. It is an adventure to achieve all these dreams.”

'All the tennis players in Australia are top players. From the first round, I must fight like it’s a final – the strategy, the mental part, the smallest details. I need to study every match'

Cabrillana was among the players at last March’s Georgia Open in USA, when the tournament was halted due to the Covid-19 pandemic. She returned to Chile’s High Performance Centre to quarantine before then renting an apartment so that she could continue to train with equipment she had bought online.

With daily online support from her trainer before they were allowed to return to the National Tennis Centre. However, in May she took the opportunity to move to Spain to train.

“I spoke with Ana Salas, Dani Caverzaschi’s trainer, and I travelled to Spain for four months. I played some tournaments in Spain, against men and women, and played a couple of tournaments in France,” Cabrillana said. “I’m used to the altitude in Madrid because I go there every year. The team I work with there makes me feel at home. I’m almost a local.”

While the improvements she made in 2020 helped bring Cabrillana her first ITF 1 title, she is under no illusion of the challenge that awaits at her first Grand Slam.

“All the tennis players in Australia are top players. From the first round, I must fight like it’s a final – the strategy, the mental part, the smallest details. I need to study every match. As at the French Riviera Open, I tend to study my rivals before the match. I dedicate time on this with Ricardo Martin, my trainer.”

'I hope many Latin American players reach this level. I’d love to lead the way for all those female players. There are no shortcuts, you must work hard, but it is possible'

Preparing to fight and putting in the time needed to achieve her goals is something Cabrillana is well used to – just take the year she lost to a shoulder injury that kept her out of competition from August 2017 to August 2018.

“The pain started as a bursitis,” recalls Cabrillana. “In the end, I had surgery. The rehab was extremely slow. I spent three hours in physiotherapy every day. It was difficult, very uncertain. I thought that I could not compete again.

“I was lucky to be in the hands of Clínica Meds, a Chilean clinic that specialises in sports medicine,” she added. “They and my team supported me and helped me a lot. It was the longest match ever. When I started playing again in 2018, I couldn't feel the shoulder. Today I have some discomfort, but I play normally.”

With Cabrillana and Bernal among the eight women’s wheelchair players contesting this year’s Australian Open, the Chilean is more than happy for others wanting to see her as a role model, not just for other young players but also for those struggling with mental health issues.    

“I feel the responsibility because I know that I can impact on the younger female tennis players,” she said. “I hope many Chilean female players and Latin Americans reach this level. I’d love to lead the way for all those female players. There are no shortcuts, you must work hard but it is possible. It is not an easy path, but you have the satisfaction to meet people, to know cultures, to live so many experiences inside and outside the court.”

'Our society and rhythm of life demands superheroes. Unfortunately, I had to live my experience, but my story can help people to avoid that suffering'

While Cabrillana is focused on her future ambitions on the court, with both the Tokyo Paralympics and then then the attraction of a home Parapan American Games in Santiago, Chile in 2023 in her sights, she is also keen to make her story accessible to others enduring the depression that she experienced as a teenager.

“We are scared to talk about depression but it’s very common. I think I have a strong message to all the patients that suffer this illness. In the future, when I leave tennis, I’d like to help people, perhaps through a foundation,” Cabrillana said.

“Our society and rhythm of life demands superheroes. Unfortunately, I had to live my experience – but my story can help people to avoid that suffering. Without knowing it, I’ve reached people with depression and dealing with suicidal thoughts. I connected with them, because nothing can compare with living that same experience.

“I’m in a different place now. I suffered depression and got to an extreme point until I realised that depression was another illness,” she explains. “You need help – from your family, and from psychologists and doctors. It is okay to ask for help.

“If you have depression, the most difficult part is finding the courage to leave the bed, to leave the house. It is important not be alone, to have something that motivates you – and sport is addictive.”

If you are affected by any of the themes mentioned in this article and wish to seek help, please visit the WHO mental well-being resources page, and reach out to your local health services for further advice